Prada announces new outdoor line and fragrance

(April Fools’ Day) In addition to clothing and accessories inspired by climbing, the 2XTREME4U line also features Prada’s newest fragrance: The Essence of Sending HRDSHT. Prada’s renowned designer and the project’s principal overseer and oversprayer, Gianvittorio Grandestronzetto said, “In all my years working in the fashion industry... How do you say? Ah yes, this is for sure my proudest line yet! I had moments of self doubt but I looked down at my hands and I said out loud and to the cameras: Grandestronzetto, tho it’s hard, you still gotta send it! Let’s go! Let’s go Grandestronzetto!”

“We named the fragrance The Essence of Sending HRDSHT because it was this project’s crux sequence. To balance out the patchouli, we had to bottle that suffocating chalk cloud mixed with perspiration that you often find in climbing gyms, along with Janja’s tears of triumph from the Olympics. I’m telling you, this is really next level! Gucci, Fendi, Dolce and Gabbana... I don’t think they can repeat this let alone downgrade it!”

Prada will be presenting the 2XTREME4U line this weekend as well as announcing their 2XTREME4U Super Humble Ambastardors. Rumour has it they aggressively bought a handful of climbers out of their existing endorsement contracts and are offering their top signings five-year contracts worth over seven figures.

One of Prada’s 2XTREME4U Super Humble Ambastardors who, out of humility, didn't want to be named said, “Erm, I was pretty sure Prada and Grandestronzetto’s line was going to change climbing when I saw it. Immediately I was thinking like, oh man who is going to appreciate this new age, no sending, low point stuff that's been coming out when now there’s like this all-time super complete line. It's full send, total high point. You guys at 8a.nu are going to have to make a new Time Comparison Grading and Fashion Scale.”